I was bored and made this stunning template, so everyone can now come up with their own authentic, completely deadpan, animal stories. If anyone actually does it, I’d love to see the results. Freestyling is encouraged because all of these things are improvised anyway.
[Character’s name] is a [personality trait and/or strange physical trait] [species] from [mundane place name]. By day he/she is a [strange occupation] but by night he/she indulges in [insert the weirdest activity you can possibly think of here]. It is ambiguous as to whether or not [character’s name] was a raging [random off-the-wall insult] in a past life.